Why Weddings are Basically the Best Thing Ever and We Should All Totally Just Get Married Every Day

Last weekend, I got a collective eight hours of sleep over a 72-hour period.

There was a time in my life when I probably would have said that ain’t no thang (presumably the same time of my life when I was listening to a lot of Outkast), but nowadays – in my perpetual march toward middle-agedness – such a weekend has me gasping for air. As a result, the last week has been been somewhat of a recovery period for me – leaving me in a foggy stupor and with only a hazy cognizance of what has been going on around me. (On a related note, I should probably take this opportunity to apologize to my coworkers for being such a zombie this week)

But I wouldn’t trade my Dawn of the Dead demeanor for anything, because it was a small price to pay to be able to share in the most important day in the life of one of my closest friends. And when I awoke from my sleep-deprived trance, my first intelligible thought was:

OH MY GOD, WEDDINGS ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST.

Duh, Susie. Everybody knows that. What color is the rock you’ve been living under for the last 24 years?

Maybe it’s because 100% of my wedding attendance until this point has been family-related, or because I’ve spent most of my life with the firm belief that I wouldn’t be getting married myself… or maybe it’s just because this wedding had an open bar served delicious tortellini. But whatever the case, the wool has been lifted, and I get it now. Weddings rock.

So without further ado, here are The Five Reasons Weddings Are Basically The Best Thing Ever And We Should All Totally Just Get Married Every Day:

1.) Everybody’s there! It is nothing short of a travesty that weddings are the only event that brings together ALL of our friends and family in one place. Why can’t other life celebrations warrant that kind of gathering? Like I dunno, moving. Or getting a new job. Or finishing a book, or running three miles. Hey everybody! the other day I did laundry and found a $10 bill in a jeans pocket! Hop on a plane, Grandma! We’re having a party!

2.) You get to beee yourself! 

My favorite part about weddings is that it is a couple’s opportunity to showcase exactly who they are. Wear flip-flops instead of heels under your dress! Have a Mighty Ducks wedding cake! Put all your groomsmen in superhero costumes! Have a choreographed first dance to Baby Got Back! It’s totally and absolutely their day to make whatever memories they want. And that’s awesome!

3.) Putting the Bride and Groom First. I also think it’s incredible how selfless people are at weddings. It’s truly a lesson in life – Your #$%! just flat-out doesn’t matter. Which means you drop everything to be there. And you do everything in your physical power to shield the bride from any drama on the day-of. (And whatever it is boys do for the groom.) And if you’re a bridesmaid, you suck it up and wear that totally hideous bridesmaid’s dress without complaint. (not technically applicable for this particular wedding, they were B-E-A-youtiful, but you get the gist.) This is good for us, as humans. We need an excuse to completely abandon our own self-absorbedness. This is their day. 

4.) Love. Because after all, love is all you need. And you can’t buy me love. And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. [INSERT ABSOLUTELY ANY OTHER APPLICABLE LYRIC BECAUSE THE BEATLES ARE THE GREATEST BAND OF ALL TIME] Sorry, I’m back. Basically, I love love. And weddings are just a shmorgishborg of all different kinds of love – romantic love, friend love, family love, friends-of-the-family love… they all come together like the world’s greatest Love Mix CD. And – if my perpetually puffy eyes throughout the entire ceremony and reception are any indicator – I think it’s just wonderful.

5.) Dancing. This is actually a very serious public service announcement: WHAT THE HELL, GUYS. Why aren’t we dancing more?  I feel like dancing is this completely underutilized resource – it has the power to cure any ailment or heal any friendship or yank any wallflower out of shyness. And I only get to do it once or twice a year? This is a problem. A very legitimate, but-really though, I’m-not-messing-around kind of problem. Let’s fix our broken dancing culture like PRONTO.

So there you have it. I’m in, I’m hooked, I’m off the wagon. I am wholly and absolutely, head-over-heels addicted to weddings. I’m so obsessed that I’m tempted to start hooking people up just so they can get married and invite me. Then again, maybe I’m not completely over my sleep depravation after all…