To the really solid, upstanding individual who broke into my car this weekend: Hey, you. Good old you. How ya feelin? Is your arm sore, from that rock you hurled through my car window? Any cuts or scrapes from kneeling in glass shards as you rifled through my glove compartment? Did you pull any muscles lifting my… Continue reading Wherefore art thou, Bearded Ryan?
You've heard of Pure Barre. I feel I can safely assume that, because I've heard of Pure Barre, and I'm usually the last person to hear about things. But for those of you still in the dark, Pure Barre is an exercise program created by masochists to torture women under the facade of being a… Continue reading Here Lies Susie, Rest in Peace. Cause of Death: Pure Barre.
What is there to say? What is there ever to say? It's been so long since I dipped my toe in the murky waters of chronicling my life that I can scarcely remember how to do it. But since time is a weighty currency not one of us can spare, I'll get to the point:… Continue reading What it’s like to be alone
Here's what they tell you about life: You can do anything you set your mind to. Good things happen to good people, and vice versa. When you fall in love, "you'll just know." Cursive is an important thing to learn. Humpty Dumpty is an egg, even though absolutely nothing in the nursery rhyme ever indicates… Continue reading What They Don’t Tell You About Life
Alright, y'all... here it is. The final installment of the three-poem series that won me the Senior Poetry Contest in 2007. I know you're probably dying of anticipation. Your lips are plump and crisp, like purple grapes that dot the vine. And when we kiss, I can't help but to bite them in my mind.… Continue reading Throwback Thursday: Senior Poetry Contest – The Final Poem!
Happy Throwback Thursday, readers! For those of you who missed last week's installment, we are recounting the three poems that I read during the Senior Poetry Contest during my final year of high school. I went on to win the contest... most likely because I was perhaps the only person taking the class because I was a… Continue reading Throwback Thursday: Senior Poetry Contest, Part 2
I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. Thanks to my recent gypsy-like lifestyle, it was the first one in a looong long time. I wouldn't generally categorize myself as a hypochondriac - but I'll be honest, when you put that much chronological space between trips to the doctor's office, you start to get a little panicky. Every… Continue reading What it feels like when your doctor calls you fat
You may be wondering why my last two posts have been Throwback Thursdays. Or how the Egyptians built the pyramids. Or why Paul Rudd has always been completely overlooked in every discussion of attractive male actors. I mean, RIGHT?! ...What I'm trying to say is, there are a lot of unsolved mysteries in the world. But THIS one,… Continue reading Why They’re Called Best Friends
Hey there, readers! It has been thoroughly wonderful sharing all my high school poetry with you. And the fun doesn't stop here. For this series of Throwback Thursday, I'd like to continue the poetry theme - but this time, recount the three poems that won me the Senior Poetry Contest. Hang on a sec, there, tiger… Continue reading Throwback Thursday: My Senior Poetry Contest
Okay, okay. I get it. You've enjoyed my cowboy poems, I'm sure, but now it's time for a respite. I know. Which is why for this installment of Throwback Thursday, I bring you another poem... though, not of the cowboy variety. In fact, this time I'm giving you a rare gift, dear reader - as… Continue reading Throwback Thursday: More poems, but for the love of god no more cowboys